Epilepsy at Night

I watch him sleep and his face seems relaxed, at least for the moment. I think about his life and how difficult it must be to carry on but not know when the next seizure will occur. The seizures come and go as they are taking over his life, his decision making, his ability to function in our fast pace world. This isn't something that has always happened to him. It only began occurring this very same year in his life. Prior to now, he was happy, smiling and full of laughter and life. He was genuine, romantic, and worked hard to create a happy family life.

The peace on his face when he is asleep is overwhelming at this moment as I think about those times, his difficult times and now watch him lay in peace. It is opposite from the strain, torment, tears, and frustration when he is seizing. It is in the same however, heartbreaking and emotionally disturbing. Sometimes, I feel it is the only real few moments of personal solitude that he receives.

Then he yells out. The peaceful state of his solitude has ended. He is having a dream. A bad dream. He screams with fear and sadness. Something has happened to one of his children. He cannot be woken right away. I jump up, shake him and call out his name. I grab this 6 ft. tall guy/ 200 lbs and hug him and tell him that it was a bad dream and to wake up. He is in tears and struggling to come out of the dream. I am in tears wondering how to stop this from happening.

Finally, he find his way into reality and sits and stares at me with deep sadness in his eyes. He begins to tell me his dream while I gather his medication together. He becomes emotional and I tell him that it was just a dream and that his daughter is fine. I advise him to avoid getting worked up so that he doesn't have a seizure.

Then looking at him, I can see the inevitable slowly approaching as if it is a demon creeping in the night. He freezes, stares forward without even blinking and I watch as his hands curl preparing to face this almost daily battle. His body convulses and he strains. His blood pressure elevates so much you can see it through the skin. His body fights to maintain oxygen to the brain.

I wait next to him patiently until the convulsing stops. I continue to wait until he regains reality and begins all of his questions.

"Help Me. Make it stop."

"I am right here. It has stopped."

"How bad was it?"

"It wasn't bad at all. I can see it getting better but just rest. Your probably very tired."

"Why is this happening to me?"

"I am not sure but we WILL find out soon. No worries"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop that nonsense. There is nothing to be sorry for. Get some rest so that you can feel better in a few hours."

I give him kisses and let him be. The light hurts his eyes due to the massive headache he now has. It is unbearable to me. Each episode I see, I learn something new about his seizures. I have a new idea in my head of what to possibly research or study to end this miserable time for him. I then leave him to sleep until he wakes up either feeling temporarily better or until the next the next episode.